Words from my heart

My neck is killing me right now. And usually when it start to aching it is because my BP is increasing.

Is it life threatening? Seems no one care, even though I said I was in pain.

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Added insult to injury, it has been a stressful week to start 2015.

Could be worse. But I try to coupe with it.

Is it life threatening? Seems no one care, even though I said I was in lots of stress.

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And I realize now, that in my life, I will always need to ask for permission.

"Mom, can I go to school camping with my friend?"

"NO" - that answer still echoing in my head, every time I asking a permission.

NO. - You cant cause I say so.

NO. - Do you have money?

NO. - There is more important thing than that.

NO. - Can you come up with the reason?

NO. - I didnt care.

NO. - Why I should give that permission.

NO. - Dont look at that, later you wish to have it

It pushing me deeper into my own darkness of conscious. The light seems getting smaller and far away. Crying did help, but no one will bother, I am all alone.

The explanation is not simple.

Some says "Its complicated". Well yeah, for a reason.

You know, when I had something that bothers my mind, I tend to wrote it out. Why? because there is no one gonna listen to me.

No ONE.

I may think Im important, but I realize I am NOT. They only find me when they need something. When I need something, seems no one even bother about it.

Im confused, should I pretend just to please my significant other? but pretending will not solve the issue, it just make my heart hurt much more.

I cant shake this depressed feeling. and again, is it life threatening? Seems no one care, as no one ever try to listen to me. I dont know where to turn to. Just hope the quietness of cyberspace can help me calm the emotional storm inside my heart a bit.