My neck is killing me right now. And usually when it start to aching it is because my BP is increasing.
Is it life threatening? Seems no one care, even though I said I was in pain.
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Added insult to injury, it has been a stressful week to start 2015.
Could be worse. But I try to coupe with it.
Is it life threatening? Seems no one care, even though I said I was in lots of stress.
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And I realize now, that in my life, I will always need to ask for permission.
"Mom, can I go to school camping with my friend?"
"NO" - that answer still echoing in my head, every time I asking a permission.
NO. - You cant cause I say so.
NO. - Do you have money?
NO. - There is more important thing than that.
NO. - Can you come up with the reason?
NO. - I didnt care.
NO. - Why I should give that permission.
NO. - Dont look at that, later you wish to have it
It pushing me deeper into my own darkness of conscious. The light seems getting smaller and far away. Crying did help, but no one will bother, I am all alone.
The explanation is not simple.
Some says "Its complicated". Well yeah, for a reason.
You know, when I had something that bothers my mind, I tend to wrote it out. Why? because there is no one gonna listen to me.
No ONE.
I may think Im important, but I realize I am NOT. They only find me when they need something. When I need something, seems no one even bother about it.
Im confused, should I pretend just to please my significant other? but pretending will not solve the issue, it just make my heart hurt much more.
I cant shake this depressed feeling. and again, is it life threatening? Seems no one care, as no one ever try to listen to me. I dont know where to turn to. Just hope the quietness of cyberspace can help me calm the emotional storm inside my heart a bit.
Time flies really fast. Really. I just realize that almost a year I got married. Soon in november its gonna be our first anniversary, yay!
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| I manage to assemble Gundam Age-1, Age-2 and Age-3 in september |
A dream. Everyone has a dream. The only problem with the dream is it giving out some sense of hope that someday we will achieve that dream. This hope must come with the will and work towards realizing the dream. Not like Im complaining for working towards achieving the dream but the truth is, this dream is getting nearer to become just a dream. Mission Impossible?
Well some says that everything is achievable if we work hard for it. In this era where that everything move so fast, people become impatient and most of them searching the shortcut to realizing the dream. In the end this shortcut make them ended in the long years of loan repayment, trapped in the loop where I loan somewhere else to pay other loan, and worse gotten into financial crisis where ended up by court declaring your bankruptcy.
Dream you may, but be prepare to work hard for it and be patience. The urges to go to the bank and apply for loan is unbearable sometimes, but when I think about it, I already have massive loan when graduated (thanks PTPTN) and need to repay it for many years to come. Then come the quest to make a living for my family, my wife, my future kids, they have needs such as good homes, food, transportation, clothes, internet, etc.
So many things comes to my mind, things that I wanted, that I wanted to buy, that I wanted to feel, that I wanted to enjoy, may just ended up just the things that bother up my mind when it is not occupied with the family or work problem. At first I thought it can relax my mind a little bit and release some stress. Apparently not, it added stress for me as I cant have it.
With the rising cost of living to worry about, house prices going up like a rocket, things will be tough to the young adult like me to start a living. Well, nothing good comes easy and as tough as I look the road ahead, the journey must go on....